New Life (4) Testimony - Jeesu Sohn

Hi everyone!I am up here today to share with you how God has transformed my life in the past few months as I was taking New Life Bible Study. 

I need to begin by saying that throughout my transformation, I committed to a few small things: one of significance today being that I would share specifically so that my life can be a living testimony to God’s goodness. I am very grateful for this opportunity to share publicly just how good God is–because I am not here to talk about MY life; but rather, what God has done to save my life. 

I grew up in the church. I prayed, I sang songs about Jesus, I took Bible studies, and in my arrogance, I thought I knew all there was to know about God. 

When I left home five years ago, I not only left behind family and friends, but I left God behind, too. It wasn’t that I stopped believing in God or was hurt by the church–I simply discovered so many other things out there that seemed more attractive than a God. I’d rather spend my time chasing after money, popularity, titles, possessions, and quick pleasures. I lived in constant fear that if one of these things were taken away, I would be worth nothing. I led a life chasing earthly and bodily pleasures that may have seemed glamourous, but I lived in fear, jealousy, resentment, and vanity, and God was soon nowhere to be found in my life, but a distant memory. 

One year ago, I returned home, completely broken. I had just ended a long term relationship, I was frightened about my future, and all those things I had put my trust in had let me down in the end. 

Though I was attending church and house church, I knew I was just going through the motions. I was afraid of God and what He would think of me and my sinful past, especially as someone who grew up in the church and should have known better. I was consumed by guilt and shame. I didn’t even think I was worthy of God anymore and my shame kept me far away from God. But I knew there was something broken within me that I could not fix myself. 

Early on this year, as I remembered how good God was to me during my youth, I signed up for Daniel Fast with a prayer request of finding God again. I had not expected anything of it, but to my surprise, God revealed Himself to me. He told me that I am called ‘clean’ because of Christ and that I should expect ‘good things to come’. 

I had never in my life heard God’s voice so clearly. I was overwhelmed by such a good God, a God who reaches out across the void, a God who was so forgiving, that it made me want more–which is why I signed up for New Life. 

New Life Bible Study was the perfect thing for me in this season. I had taken this course before, maybe 10 years ago, but this time around was especially impactful, because I was desperate to know God more. 

New Life teaches small, practical ways to live FOR and WITHIN God, every day. The most valuable thing I take away is the Listening Room and Quiet Time. The Listening Room is a consistent time and place where you go to talk to God every day. Quiet Time is an exercise of our own intellect and illumination from the Holy Spirit applied to the Bible. 

Previously, I had taken both of these things for granted. I thought I knew everything there was to know about the Bible; and prayer was just making requests to God when things weren’t going my way. But as my life began to run parallel to the teachings in New Life (it’s kind of crazy how God caters to our individual learning styles), I discovered a fundamental truth. 

Towards the end of New Life, as I was beginning to gain confidence in my own faith, I began to feel the same shame of the past creep back in. A small voice kept telling me: “How can you call yourself a servant of God with your sinful past? How can you think God will use you when you have failed so much?” 

I struggled with this for many weeks. I didn’t know who the voice belonged to. But thanks to New Life, I knew this was a test of faith, and I was determined to find the truth, and the truth, I knew now, was in the Scripture. 

Previously, when I’d face a challenge, I would default to troubleshooting mode. “I” had to fix it. “I” had to “DO” something. It was all about “ME” and my “ABILITIES”. And in my frenzy, I would often make hasty and wrong decisions. 

But for the first time, in order to face my struggle, I turned to the Bible and visited the Listening Room–which was a daily walk around the neighbourhood. I asked God, over and over again, “Please let me hear your voice. Tell me what to do. I do not want to go where YOU are not there.” 

I have to admit, I could not hear God at that time. The voice that told me I am my failures was growing louder. But the verses I was reading for QT kept pointing towards the same thing: “Rejoice”. Rejoice in God. I wanted to know what that meant. 

I remember being at the Adults Retreat, still praying for God to speak to me. I thought a lot about “rejoicing in the Lord”, which was a verse given to me the previous night. That day, a friend (who had no idea what I had been going through) pulled me aside. She said that God wanted her to tell me: “God is pleased with you.” 

In that moment, my head flooded with memories of reading the Bible and going on my Listening Room walks for the past few weeks. Instantly, I realized that that it wasn’t my successes or things I wanted to “do” for God that God was pleased with, that in the end, what God had really been looking at was my heart. It was my heart and desire to know Him more, to seek him in the Bible and in prayer, that pleased Him. And finally understanding this gave me such clarity, direction, and peace. I knew exactly what I must do now, and it was so simple! All I am to do is to continue to seek God in all the ways I can, and He is going to do the rest for me. God is so good, He is alive, and He is fighting my battles! 

It is because of God’s goodness that I can stand here and say that I have been transformed. I truly rejoice in Him because I have experienced that goodness. God sees past my sins and my shame, He sees much deeper than that. He rescued me before I even knew I needed rescuing. He forgave me first; He always answers when I ask to hear His voice. Nothing can take away this joy and peace that I’ve found in God, and I am for the first time in my life, excited to share about everything He has done for me. I am a new life through God. 

I know now that God is constantly wanting to speak with me. I love going to my Listening Room and always excited to see what other truths the Scripture holds. And even though my prayers may not be answered right away, I know God has already won this battle and the next.