298. Re-learning Faith
In her third week in ICU, My mom’s ICP (Intracranial Pressure) was normalized, so medical staff was able to reduce sedation and start neurological testing, to assess how her brain is functioning. She did not respond well to the prompts, showing no physical responses nor sign of consciousness. After the test, the doctor gave us a poor prognosis, saying that she is unlikely to recover to normal life, given her initial damage and the rate of progress. The doctor wanted us to think about whether to continue to treat her for recovery or change the goal of treatment to pain management instead.
It was difficult to digest the news. Though we’ve been warned multiple times, we were still hoping for miraculous recovery. My church has been fervently praying for her. God has been giving clear promises of hope and recovery, not only to me, but to Jennifer and my sister. So, it felt like our hope got a fatal final blow. I realized maintaining hope in the face of news of no-hope is more difficult than I anticipated.
When I was going through financial difficulties in my 20s, I experienced God’s financial provision. I knew God could provide, but I never experienced it until then. Once I did, I felt like I was relearning about faith. After 15 years, I feel like I am going through difficulties where I never had to believe in miraculous healing this badly. I know God can do miracles and I sing about it, and yet I feel like I am relearning faith all over again, when I am faced with a situation like this. I cannot help but to question, “Will he deliver again?”
But I was thankful that we felt strange encouragement in the midst of it. We gathered ourselves up and decided to continue to cling to the promises God gave to us. It will require nothing short of miracle, but we made our resolve to continue to put our hope in God who does nothing but miracles, even when nothing seems to happen. “…hope that is seen is not hope, because who hopes for what he sees? Now if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with patience. (Romans 8:24–25)
