177. How To Increase Self-esteem? Be Useful
Relationship is transactional. (yes, even family relationship) Some people get uncomfortable about this because they want a personal relationship to be unconditional and pure, unlike business relationships.
But, in case you are wondering, try this: Stop giving to a specific relationship and see what happens. Stop giving time, stop giving attention and care. And see what happens to that relationship. It is not hard to guess that the relationship won’t be the same. Then you realize, your relationship was transactional in nature.
Of course, relationships can be more than transactional (and it should be), but the basis of every relationship is mutual giving and receiving. Those who ignore this principle won’t have a good relationship anywhere. Why is realizing this important?
When we realize relationships are transactional, we begin to think more intentionally about what we give in relationship. In other words, we become more aware of how useful we are to people around us.
When we think about being useful to people around us, we are no longer someone who is always in need of people’s time and attention. We actually provide what people find useful and helpful.
Desire to be useful came from God. When God first created Adam, he gave Adam a job in his Garden. Work is not a curse. It was a blessing, for Adam to enjoy his life and find meaning by becoming useful. God didn’t need Adam to feel fulfilled. But Adam needed a role to feel fulfilled even though he already had God.
If you want to increase your self-esteem, try becoming someone that people will miss when you are not present. Looking at yourself in the mirror and saying “you are valuable” certainly has its limit. Bring something valuable and intangibles only you can bring. Meaning is found in God. But God created us in a way that we will discover that meaning through being useful, with the gifts he has given us.
Our self-worth is determined by God simply by being. Even without doing anything, we have an infinite worth because we are made in the image of God. But our self-esteem, the level of value we esteem ourselves, certainly increases as we become useful. So if you want to have higher self-esteem, find your gift, work on it, and make someone’s life better with it.
