422. A Pastor with a High Risk - Pastor Chai

When I hear news of pastors succumbing to sexual sin or financial mismanagement, I feel a sense of dread rather than shock. I can't help but think that had it been me in those situations, I may have succumbed to the same temptations.

I seem to have a stronger inclination toward pleasure than most people. Before becoming a Christian, I found my greatest joy in gambling while intoxicated. This predisposition makes me more susceptible to the allure of sin than others.

My attraction to pleasure and sin didn't vanish after I accepted Jesus as my savior - it persisted. As a result, I fear that if I ever loosen my grip on Jesus' hand, I will swiftly succumb to temptation. Therefore, for me, being filled with the Holy Spirit is not merely an option, it's an absolute necessity.

I am widely recognized as the founder of the house church movement. If I were to fall into sin, countless individuals would be disillusioned, and the house church movement would be severely hindered.

For a long time, I've been seeking an answer from the Lord as to why He would entrust someone like me, a high-risk individual, with the task of restoring the New Testament church. There are numerous pure, sincere, capable, and compassionate individuals. Why did He choose me over them, risking the collapse of the house church movement at any given moment?

For quite some time, I received no response.

However, Jesus recently revealed that He employs me because of my vulnerability to temptation. I am compelled to rely solely on Jesus, preventing me from attempting to act independently and requiring me to follow His guidance.

While it's comforting to know that my weakness is actually a strength in the Lord's eyes, I still experience anxiety because I am aware that He will not eliminate my weaknesses. The prospect of me succumbing to temptation and derailing the house church movement will always linger.

I eagerly await the day when Jesus returns. My body will be clothed with the power of the resurrection, and only then will I be liberated from my sinful desires.